Monday, August 2, 2010
Now I Feel the Pain I Caused
When I was a young girl I remember chasing butterflies.
A new net every year at Easter.
I just wanted to hold them, admire them up close.
Mom let me bring them into the house.
We thought we were being nice letting them fly in our house.
They flew straight for the light of the window.
We put little trays of sugar water.
Sometimes their wings got stuck in the sticky mixture.
I had no idea how much pain I caused them.
To be able to see the world they loved, but not be able to enjoy it.
A prisoner of my love.
Then they died.
9 comments:
Phew, that sugar water line was getting me worried about what was going on there.
Ive heard of chocolate ants but sugared butterfly wings..see it could have been so much worse.
My friend John and I were part of the "ring family ant killers" club. We drove our tricycles over all the ants we could see then blew our whistle rings. Down in FL there are the little lizards outside. They are awesome, a lot like the graphic on RW. A family lives in my mailbox. Two and now two tiny ones. It was cold here last winter so I kept hoping they werent gone forever, then as soon as the rains came about a month ago they started slowly appearing again luckily. When i was about 16 I drew a picture of a circle, with the head and neck of a large lizard on one side only of the circle, then rays coming out into the center touching a smaller lizard in the middle. I always liked it so still have it hanging by a piece of tape on my guitar holder in my room. I have regrets about running over all the ants still. Havent thought about that in a long time.
I suppose that sometimes people are held prisoner by unwanted love? If so do you think before they part they should leave in kindness and understanding or part in silence confusion and sadness?
I want to scream "kindness and understanding", but I am starting to believe that it may be the very few and rare who can actually pull that off ... There is no '...sweetness in the leaving...' as Jane Siberry has sung about.
i think she means there is but that would not apply to this annyway as she is already a carrier of the torch as am i
its a questin of patience and love without understanding... i am guilty of acting like a child and perhaps we both are. i love her and swish love over to her and keep learning from the few kind and sweet things she said to me when we were happy
i feel the pain i caused as well
if i had to choose i would scream and listen, you can even scream and have that song playing. i think that would bea glorious celebration of the contrdictions that can arise. what im not sure about is whether or not its wise to embrace an idea or saying so much so that it clouds the search for knowledge.
i appropriated this from
"my gandpa bob taught me to always listen to the butterflies. a butterfly told me "you shall meet one of us, and together you will patch the holes thought unpatchable"
fwiw i love butterflies and have never hurt one or tried to keep one as a pet.
Yes, Yes, Siberry did mean that there was Sweetness in the leaving if we were prepared to see and be in life for all of the bitterness and sweetness. And That I suppose I do. I'm a glutton for all of it, which I'm sure u can tell that I am in a bitter phase for now. Rivercat and quietchair, both your words have sweeten the bolus for now, and I thank you for your sharings.
Thank you all for reading and sharing. I left this here before I left on a trip as a little tidbit of me and am so happy you enjoyed it. I think kindness and understanding is always the way, because that is what I would do for anyone, so I would hope it for myself. I know I can pull it off...my heart and mind are very open...I don't want to own anybody or any creature ever again.
I remember as a child trying to catch a white butterfly in an empty large white opaque Ice-cream bucket. I only noticed the flaw in my plan once I couldn't see the butterfly anymore. as I lifted my bucket to see if I had caught it he flew away and I was so relieved I hadn't squashed him under the edge.
I always felt so bad if I accidentally did damage tot the wings. I have had that pretty powdery stuff all over my hands that felt like their blood, because I knew it would hurt their ability to fly. It upset me terribly. Probably why I finally quit chasing butterflies.
Post a Comment